Inner Journey Blog

Life of Prayer

I have been reflecting on the reality that prayer, and the life of prayer, is where life, fully alive, is lived.

Everything else, by comparison, is living superficially.

It is in prayer and contemplation that I am in touch with my own deepest places and with as much reality of God as I can, at any one moment, contain.  It is a relationship that is at the basis of all reality.  It is relating to God as friend, lover, father, mother, comforter, protector, and sovereign all at the same time.  Nothing else can touch the dynamic of my soul infused with God's reality.

Yet, I am continually pulled away by the triviliaties of life.  My excitement level rises as I pursue goals, complete projects, and perform well in situations that are meaningful to me.  Certainly, these are life experiences that are meant to be enjoyable.  But I find myself trying to live off of these external experiences and they can not deliver anything more than a moment of satisfaction.  When I look to these things for a deep sense of life, I am condemned to a roller coaster existence riding the ups and downs of the successes (and failures) of life.  In the end, they prove to be fickle and superficial if I look to them for any measure of deep fulfillment.

For a deep sense of life, I return to the one thing... the one pursuit... to love God through prayer every moment.

Receiving Love

Receiving love is the most significant grace that God gives His people.  I find it is not necessarily something that I can work up myself.  I can know that I am loved, that I am God's beloved, that His love towards me has been proven.  Yet the grace is that His love penetrates the defenses of my heart and the lies that play in my subconscious mind bringing a deep transformation of identity.

Contemplation and worship make room for the grace of love received to penetrate.  We wait on Him.  We make space for Him.  We open our spirits and hearts to the best of our abilities.  Yet we are dependent on Him for the grace to touch us deeply.  By faith, we press on, but our hearts hunger for the deeper things of God speaking to the deeper places of our soul.

The Love Story of Rebekkah

Isaac and Rebekkah provide one of the great love stories that reflect the preparation and readiness of the bride for her bridegroom.  As we prepare ourselves for union with our lover, we see that Rebekkah had the virtues that prepare one's soul for this wedding.  Her servant heart, her readiness to follow immediately, her openness to God's leading all point to the virtues we seek so that our soul is ready for its lover.

Isaac: a Type of Christ

I have been enjoying looking at the promise of Issaac, in Abraham's life, as a type of Christ: a promise that Christ will be fully formed in our life by faith.

Abraham, as the father of our faith, exhibited such dynamic trust that God would fulfill His miraculous promise: a son would be born.  For us, the promise is just as miraculous, the life of the Son, Jesus, will be fully formed in us as we walk the life of faith, trust, and service.

More to follow...

Testing Feedblitz

I need to write a couple of posts to test out the FeedBlitz delivery system for those who would like to receive blogposts by email--like newsletters.

So forgive my using this space for a test.  I will be back soon with some real content!!!

Being Who I Am

Sometimes I'm aware that being fully who I am is the most spiritual thing I can be.

But this is only true if I'm aware of that false part of me, that pretend part of me, that not-real-me part of me and moving away from that and toward the truest me.

Sin separates me from my true inner heart and my true inner life. I separate myself from these things as I put on my mask, cover my real feelings with stuff, wear my personnas, and otherwise try to be more or different than I who truly am.

Jesus reconciles me and brings me back into full relationship with Himself; and He also brings me back into full and right relationship with who I truly am: my made-in-the-image-of-Christ self. Me. Just me. Raw me. Wholly me. Alive me. Passionate me. No-pretense me. Full-of-all-kinds-of-feelings me. Simple me. True me.

Does this make any sense? I don't leave myself to become spiritual. I do die to the false parts of myself but this brings me into the freedom to live out of and be my true self. Fully myself.

Brennan Manning says it this way:

"Sanctity lies in discovering my true self, moving toward it, and living out of it... While the impostor draws his identity from past achievements, and the adulation of others, the true self claims its identity in its belovedness. We give glory to God simply by being ourselves."

I get so weary when I try to live out of the "impostor." Even worse than the "imposter" is the "spiritual imposter." How draining and hypocritical. How foolish to think that I have to be more than I am in order to be alive, free, or precious to God. How I need to remind myself that God gave His life so that I would live-- and simply be the true person that He created. It is my truest self that is His beloved, not the other false parts of me that I put on. It is the "real me" being "fully me" that is the object of God's infinite affections. He longs for me as I really and thoroughly am--add nothing.

It is being fully me that He thoroughly delights in! Who I am is thoroughly enough!

Today I want to give glory to God by adding nothing to who I am. I'm such a simple person. A simple desire to be a lover of God and a lover of others. No rank, no status, no position, no role. Just an alive-to-the-world person and, by His grace, an alive-to-God person. I'm nobody, yet I'm magnificent (in His image). I'm nothing, yet I'm the beloved of the Creator. I'm unique, and it's just, simply, plainly, who I am that brings glory to God. Amazing!

God's Will Unfolds

God's will is not usually an immediate experience of insight and clarity.  Rather it unfolds.  It often takes longer than I want it to.  I want every step laid out now.  He leads a step at a time, when it is time, and not before.

His love, parenthetically, is ever-present, constant, and immediately accessible at all times.  It is gentle, healing, powerful, and often tangible.

His will unfolding, on the other hand, requires more patience than I often want to give it.  I want to see many upcoming steps at once with clarity and immediacy.  Normally, however, I have to wait longer than I want to and there is often much letting go involved in this process.

Thus I so often find myself running ahead of his will and implementing my own plan, my own strategies, and my own devices.  "Let's just move this project right along... it will probably fit into God's plan down the road anyway, so I will just get a jump start on it now and be ready when God finally wakes up!"  This has led to so many bunny trails in my life that I cannot begin to count them.  Not always a bad thing, but very often a significant waste of time and emotional energy.

He has a plan that is so much more complete than mine.  It takes into account a bigger perspective and a greater awareness of my own life and limitations.  It is born out of his overwhelming and constant love for me.  His plan is worth waiting on and learning to enjoy the process of seeing it unfold moment by moment and day by day.  I can rest more and strive less.  I can be childlike more and over-responsible less.  I can experience relationships and intimacy with him and others more while spending less energy in the "doing" mode.  His will always unfolds as I am willing to wait, watch, and be the child-of-God I am meant to be.

Being True to Yourself

From today's Sacred Space meditation:

If we are to encounter God truthfully in prayer, we must be real to ourselves. We need to be aware of what we are feeling. A mother will see her son come in from school, and know from his face and body-language that he is depressed, or resentful, or anxious, or whatever. If she asks him how he is, he is likely to say Fine. Most mothers will have the intuition and wit to lead him gently to put words on what he is feeling, and then to trace the happenings that led him to this state, such as a failure in school, a quarrel with a friend or worry about an exam. I remember a girl in school startling me – when I was a teacher – by asking Why are you angry today? She was right, but up to that point I had not realised that I was angry.

It is only when we are in touch with what is going on inside us that we can come before the Lord. Then I can experience the real me connecting with the real God. I t is not a case of apologising for my emotions. They are as pre-moral and innocent as feeling cold or shivery. When I bring those feelings to consciousness, as the Psalmist does with his anger and despair, then prayer become authentic.

Contemplation Defined

From Thomas Dubay's Fire Within:

"Christic contemplation is nothing less than a deep love communion with the triune God.  By depth here we mean a knowing loving that we cannot produce but only receive.  It is not merely a mentally expressed "I love you".  It is a wordless awareness and love that we of ourselves cannot initiate or prolong…

"God is love, and the person who loves abides in god, and God abides in him.  For Teresa this indwelling presence is the focal point of prayer: wherever God is, there is heaven, a fullness of glory.  We are to find Him deep within ourselves, just as Augustine did.  We need no wings, only a place of silence where we can be alone and center our gaze on the Guests within.  We should note that this type of entering within is just the opposite of introspection, for we are turning away from an egocentrism and turning toward the supreme Other...

"The greatest of all the commandments is before all else a prayer commandment.  To have one's whole heart, soul and mind filled to overflowing with the love of God is to be filled with the highest prayer.  The core and essence of the transforming union are nothing other than a complete identification with God in love.  When one walks lovesick for God, as St John of the Cross puts it, he is at the heights of prayer life, and he is fulfilling the greatest commandment to perfection…  This love, says St. Paul, is poured into our hearts by the Holy spirit Who is given to us.  Love poured out is, of course, infused love--the two words mean the same thing.  The psalmist who declares that he delights in nothing else on earth but his Lord further proclaims that his flesh and his heart are pining with love, that his joy is to be near God.  So advanced a love could not be anything but the burning infusions of which Teresa and John speak."  Dubay p. 57, 58, 67

Prayer Is Natural

In the midst of the morning I had the thought that it's "time" to pray.  Interesting how sometimes pryaer can start to feel mechanical.

But then I turned to that "Sacred Space" site and here is what it says:

Rain waters the earth, making it bring forth and sprout…. The whole creation is groaning in travail… A sower went out to sow. We are reminded that prayer is not a lifestyle option, or a mechanical technique, but something natural to all creatures, like breathing out and breathing in, like metabolising our food, like the process of growth which we achieve without knowing how we do it.

Prayer is natural... like breathing.  That's exactly what I needed to hear today.  I don't want something mechanical or forced.  I just want to breathe God in... and live my life with him.

Prayer is natural... I realize that this can be an excuse to subtly turn my heart toward other things, this morning, and just get busy with the day.  I don't want to do that either.  So, I wait...

Prayer is natural... I remind myself that real prayer is not something I do.  I still usually think of prayer that way.  It's me doing it.  It's an activity that I engage in.  The reality is that real prayer-- real breathing God's life in and communing with Him is NOT something I can just do.  At most, I can create space in my life for it.  It's a divine activity that He sparks.  I don't do it, I receive the grace of communion with God-Creator-Life-Spirit-Crucified One.  At best I can open myself.  The flood of life and communion that follows (if I have indeed opened myself to HIm) is in me by His graciousness, power, and desire for me.

Prayer is natural... "I remind myself that there are things God has to teach me yet, and ask for the grace to hear them and let them change me (another quote from Sacred Space)."  Being open to God also involves being open to how He wants to change and lead me...  This willingness causes me to work in harmony with His "natural" power that is working and flowing in me.

Prayer is natural... and it's Person to person... no longer mechanical this morning.  It's simple, powerful communing with the real Person of Jesus.  At least, I've made the transition for the moment.