I'm off to a men's meeting/gathering for the evening... always inspiring. No time to write, but I'm meditating on these words by Thomas a Kempis:
Who is more at rest than he who aims at nothing but God? And who more free than the man who desires nothing on earth?
Maybe I will get some input from the guys and bring it back...
...who more free than the man who desires nothing on earth...
"I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."
We have been discussing "letting go" all week along. In addition, all week long, God has been showing me, ever so kindly, how much I have been relying on myself lately. These two things have brought my heart back to what Jesus taught here: become like little children.
It's where God wants me, now, this week, always: like a little child. Not helpless, not pitiful, not whiny. I'm sure that's not His meaning. But in a place, perhaps, of childlike trust.
Mostly, for me, I think of two things with this image.
First of all: the sense of complete trust and safety. I am a child playing in my Father's house. It's His house, His responsibility, His "things," it all belongs to Him and I am able to rest in His care. Really. He does take care of His Household. I am in His household. I am His child. I can be at rest in this.
Secondly, I am completely dependent on Him--in a good way. I spend the day saying, Father, what about this; Father what about that; Father, show me; Father, I'm confused; Father, how am I to do this; Father, I need help with this. I am living in the awareness that He is a very present father. I think of children, at certain ages, where every other word out of their mouth is "mom" or "dad" (depending on who is closest). Mom, look at this; mom, did you see me; mom, help me with...; etc.
God, my Father, has been good to show me this week that I really don't know much about how to do anything on my own. Ouch! But what a freeing place that is! It brings me back to the "letting go" place of just being a child, totally dependent on a Father who is there for me and who interacts with me in my life every moment that I invite Him to. "Father, father, father..." "I can't, you can, I will let you."
I know I have just scratched the surface on what it means to "change and become like little children." Any thoughts?
I have been mulling over the comments on "Letting Go--More" which has really helped me to clarify my own thinking and processes.
But I needed to come up with some definitions in order to make sense of it.
Jen and Aaron used the term "letting go" in a little different way than I am used to. They described (i believe) what I am now going to call a "letting-go-of-it-all blow-out." This is a very helpful concept. In fact, I would say that yesterday I had the opportunity to experience a bit of my own emotional letting-go-of-it-all blow-out (which is why it was so helpful to think through all of this).
But, back to definitions.
The classical sense of "letting go" has to do with the way that I carry my life on a regular basis. In other words, when I am "letting go", than I am doing life from a relative place of rest and peace... I'm not letting things get to me... I am actively doing things but have a healthy detachment. I am not getting worked up. I am not clutching, striving, forcing, driving, and otherwise feeling attached to the outcome of things. My heart is at rest. I may be very busy, but I'm not overwhelmed because I am operating out of an emotional/spiritual center that is working.
For me, the reminder to "let go" has to do with reminding myself that God carries the world on his shoulders, I don't need to. I can rest in Him even while I'm active. The classical disciplines of time with God, worship, practicing His presence, etc., etc., help me to remain focused on Him, and my heart at peace, even while I'm active in life. This is what I'm calling "letting go."
Hey, sounds good. Now... what about real life.
In real life, I am able to do life from a place of healthy "letting go" for a period of time. Then, for whatever reason, I start to become more and more compulsive in the way I am doing life and carrying my life. Things become bigger and bigger deals. I begin to spin emotionally more and more. I'm feeling, perhaps, more and more out of control. Before you know it, if this continues, I experience what I am here calling a let-it-all-go blow-out. This may involve a binge of some kind, or simply an all-out withdrawal from life. For me, this is actually the result of not letting go in the way that I have been doing my life. When I am doing life from a place of "letting go," then I actually don't get to the "let-it-all-go blow-out" place.
Are these definitions helpful and making sense?
Fortunately, a let-it-all-go blow-out is one more opportunity to explore the wonder and goodness of God's grace. Apparently, I need to explore His grace a lot! And maybe, just maybe, at least I hope... that everytime I go through a let-it-all-go blow-out, I've learned just a little more about how to rest and "let go" while doing life. Maybe? God Help Us.
By the way, I want to continue to encourage all to try the Sacred Space (see yesterday's post).
I've posted two notes, today, on "letting go," but I don't feel like I have wrestled with it at all for myself.
I love the idea of letting go, of becoming detached from the things my heart gets wrapped up in so that I'm free, I'm at rest, I'm trusting, I'm not striving, it's not about me, I'm small, God is big, and I'm His child. He's sovereign, He's in control, I let Him be both. I love the idea of not trying to be bigger than I am, arrange outcomes that I can't control anyway, worry and fret over what He is already caring for. I love the reality, that when I do let go I am left with just being myself, enjoying God, and enjoying the journey He has me on.
But then I have to fess up and say, if I like the idea of letting go so much, why is it so dang hard? Why am I so convinced that the decisions my 19-year-old is making is up to me to control (an impossible task, I assure you). Why am I so sure that unless I get the project I'm working on 100% "right" I'll be a failure, the world will fall apart and, probably, no one will ever enter the Kingdom of God again (how important am I, after all). Why am I so certain that I can, should, and must control the way people react to me by being what they want me to be instead of who God made me to be? Why am I trying to be who I'm not, "do" in order to feel valuable, help others in order to feel important, or measure my life by what what others are doing?
All of this is working on me today... but there is also something else at work... the little reminder... the still voice calling me... and it comes back to me. Just a little time in His Presence, just a moment or two with Him, just a brief gaze in His direction, and it becomes incredibly easier to just... breathe a sigh of relief... and let go. He is enough; He is enough; He is enough. When I'm with Him my grip begins to just loosen up... all on it's own. There is rest!
I think it's time to let go of even trying to get this blog "complete"...
Quotes on letting go from www.denialqueen.com:
Detach with love, serenity, poise, gratitude and fortitude but if that doesn't work, detach with an axe.The way I usually let go of something is by leaving my fingernail marks all over it.
When the horse dies. . .dismount.That people think of me is none of my business.
You can start your day over at any time.
Let go and let God.
Oswald Chambers, in today's Utmost For His Highest devotional, speaks of offering up "every attachment that is not an attachment in God..."
The end result of this, he asserts, is that "God will prove Himself to be all you ever dreamed He would be."
But, he cautions, you cannot give up or destroy these attachments yourself. All you can do is lay them on the altar--"bind them to the horns of the altar"-- and say, "I am ready." God, by his grace, out of his love, and for our benefit, will take the things we offer to Him that are keeping us from knowing Him as our all in all.
"I am ready to be offered," is the beginning of an incredible transaction.
If you are not familiar with Chambers... his writings are classics.
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