Inner Journey Blog

Place of His Presence

Too busy of a week... a good week... but too busy to thoroughly enjoy what I am created for-- enjoying the place of God's presence.

This is made clear by my lack of posting this week...

But I have been spending my time looking at the Tabernacle... Exodus 25... "a sacred residence where I can live among them."

How awesome to be, as a person, a sacred residence where God desires to fully dwell.

At the heart of the Tabernacle, in the most holy place is the Ark of the Covenant with an atonement cover.

I have found so much to contemplate here, that I can't do it justice at the moment. But the joy of being a sacred residence is that we experience the "meeting." We become "the meeting place":

I will meet with you there and talk to you from above the atonement cover between the gold cherubim that hover over the Ark of the Covenant. From there I will give you my commands for the people of Israel.

This is where the action is... the meeting place... where we enter into fully reality of who God is and who are in Him... and where He speaks to us... our calling, our life, and even what He has for others.

I have such a desire to be that sacred place and to be available for divine meeting encounters.

Shedding My Worldly Identities

One of the challenges to living out of my identity in Christ (child of God, beloved, valued, chosen, treasured) is that I can be so entrenched in my worldly identities.

We all play significant roles in the world. My roles include: father, husband, provider, minister, friend, teacher, etc. Good roles, hopefully, and meaningful! Yet, I seem to have the capacity to put these roles on and cover myself with them, like a blanket, so completely that I become the role. I become entrenched in some or many of the roles so completely that I lose sight of my true inner self. The role becomes "who I am."

I believe this is because we develop these role-identities, to some degree, in order to "be someone." They become part of our false-self protective mechanisms from early on. I don't feel good about who I am, but I receive some positive attention and feedback from getting a good grade, so I will become a "good student." This, in my case, became something to "be." Since being myself was not "working," I might as well try "being" that someone who does receive positive input. I will not only try to do well at school, I will fully become this new identity, this new person, this "good student" personna.

This seems to have carried over, for me, into so many areas of life. I have taken my roles so seriously that they have, in the past, become fully "who I am." In become so fully entrenched in them I literally lost myself. I, who I really am, is then a person with no intrinsic or internal identity. I am merely what I am on the outside. I am no more than the external persons that I am attempting to be.

Thank God that His view of me is so radically different. Thank God that He loves and values the true me, the me that is me without being someone else or doing anything. It has taken much work, faith, and painful experiences to be willing to let go of my external identities (or, at least, to not cling to them so completely). But, in doing so, the wonder of discovering myself valued, loved, and delighted in for who I am is amazingly worth it. Amazingly worth it!

Perhaps most people have never been as entrenched in their external identities as myself. But the joy of being free of this and finding my identity, first and foremost, as a beloved child of the Everlasting Creator is indeed wondrous. How much easier and joyful it is to put roles on (father, minister) without taking on the full weight of this role as an identity. It's a role, but it's not who I am. I want to do it well, but if I don't "measure up" or even if I completely "fail" in some respect, it's simply something that I failed in, something that I can learn from and grow in, it's not the deep shame of "me" being now "a failure."

I may be successful in a role, or not. Either way, my true self is intact. I am, most fully, just who I am, and knowing who I am, it's enough regardless of what has happened to or through me in the world. As someone said, "I am a spiritual person having an earthly experience." Since I am more than anything that takes place in my world, I am free to enjoy who I am and life itself because the "I" that I am is not entrenched in the world.

I am His, now, forever. Not even "I" can change this!

Intimacy With God

From Thomas Keating:

The great gift which Christ won through his sacrificial death is intimacy and oneness with the Father. On the day of his resurrection he said triumphantly to Mary Magdalene, "Go to my brethren and say to them that I am ascending to my Father and your Father" (John 20:17). That is the great good news! The experience of intimacy with God, symbolized in Genesis by God's daily walk with Adam and Eve in the evening air (Gen. 3:8), is now available once again to the whole human family.

This is the great good news! Though I end up chasing many things, the only this that is truly beneficial and fully satisfying at a depth like nothing else is the experience of that intimacy with Him.

One thing necessary...

Abide in me...

One with me as the Father and I are one...

The Bride of Christ...

Kiss me with the kisses of your mouth...

For your love is sweeter than wine...

Christ in me...

Draw near to me...

Christ Alone

Thank-you George at WaterCarriers for this quote-- you always have good things to share!

Christ Alone

If seeing Christ alone does not make me want to look and keep looking only at Him,
Then I may as well just concentrate on what I can see here and now on this earth instead.
If hearing Christ alone does not matter much to me,
Then I may as well seek and listen to the opinions and advice of other people instead.

If touching Christ alone does not thrill me,
Then I may as well look for excitement, amusement and pleasure in this world instead.
If Christ alone does not make me know I am wanted,
Then I may as well look for some people who will need and want me instead.

If Christ alone does not make me laugh at myself and my many blunders,
Then I may as well laugh at other people instead.
If Christ alone does not make me sing every song for Him,
Then I may as well sing for myself or other people instead.

If Christ alone does not cause me to grieve and pray with Him for others,
Then I may as well pray and cry tears of self-pity for myself instead.
If Christ alone does not soften my heart by causing me to identify with Him in His sufferings,
Then I may as well experience the suffering caused by my hard-heartedness and rebellion instead.

If Christ alone does not share His thoughts with me,
Then I may as well be occupied with my own thoughts instead.
If Christ alone does not share His heart with me,
Then I may as well be affected by those things which affect me and my affections.

If knowing Christ alone does not make me give up on myself,
Then I may as well defend myself (using His Word if need be).
If knowing Christ alone does not destroy my pride and ambition,
Then I may as well promote myself (using His Fame and Glory if need be).

If knowing Christ alone does not make me content to be unknown by man,
Then I may as well create and maintain a good name for myself (using Christ's Name if need be).
If knowing Christ alone does not bring me face down to the dust,
Then I may as well stand tall and accept people's admiration and appreciation (on His behalf, of course).

If I do not submit to Christ alone hiding me in Himself so that only He may be seen,
Then I may as well expose myself so people will look at, admire and notice me.
If Christ alone does not fulfil my need for Love,
Then I may as well prostitute myself by looking for love from people instead.

If Christ alone is not my only anointing,
Then I may as well manufacture my own version by manipulating people's emotions.
If Christ alone is not my only qualification and definition,
Then I may as well get a title and some credentials from man instead.

If belonging to Christ alone does not satisfy my need for acceptance,
Then I may as well join some clubs and commit myself and my time to them.
If knowing Christ alone does not make all other relationships pale by comparison,
Then I may as well concentrate more on my relationships with people here on earth than with Him.

If receiving Christ alone does not in turn release me to freely give because of All He has given,
Then I may as well just take all I can from both Him and others and give nothing.
If Christ alone does not give me freedom to obey what I have heard Him say to me personally,
Then I may as well disobey and do what I (or other people) want me to do instead.

If Christ alone does not go along with my plans or use me as I desire,
Then I may as well just use others for my own ends and make things happen myself.
If trusting Christ alone is not deemed sufficient for anything I may encounter,
Then I may as well do whatever I can to ensure my success and survival in all areas of life.

If Christ alone does not have first place in my life,
Then I may as well go any place I like, whenever I like.
If Christ alone does not have control of my life,
Then I may as well exercise my rights to do and say whatever I believe to be right.

If Christ alone is not my Teacher and Unveiler,
Then I may as well just accumulate and articulate the knowledge of others.
If Christ alone is not my Wisdom and Light,
Then I may as well jump to conclusions based on what I think I see from the light of my own candle.

If Christ alone does not make me know true Peace and Joy,
Then I may as well fill my life with many things and many people instead.
If Christ alone does not bring me real Rest,
Then I may as well keep myself very busy so I don't notice my internal lack and restlessness.

If Christ alone is not becoming the essence of who I am,
Then I may as well spend time 'finding myself' and bolstering my poor self image.
If Christ alone is not my Life,
Then I may as well just live for myself and forget about eternity.

If Christ alone has not proved to be more than sufficient for any trial I face,
Then perhaps my trials need to be repeated...
If Christ alone is not enough for me,
Then perhaps I am a hypocrite using His Name...

If Christ alone is not the love of my life, then who is?
If Christ alone is not my reason for living, then what is?
If Christ alone is not real to me in every aspect of my life, then am I being unreal?
If Christ alone is not enough for me, then do I really know Him at all?

If Christ alone will make me nothing,
Then He will be my Everything.
If Christ alone is the One Thing that matters to me,
Then the "many things" will totally lose their power and ability to trouble me.

If Christ alone will open my eyes, then I will truly see because of Him.
If Christ alone will open my ears, then I will genuinely hear because of Him.
If Christ alone will break me, then I will be gloriously free because of Him.
If Christ alone will touch me, then I will be completely healed because of Him.
If Christ alone will breathe on me, then I will really live because of Him.
If Christ alone will feed me, then I will be fully satisfied because of Him.

If Christ alone will come and live in me in spite of my total unworthiness,
Then I will be worthy because of Christ alone.
If Christ alone will come and show me that I am irrevocably and completely His,
Then I will be lost in the wonder and glory of being joined with Christ alone!

If Christ alone is what I see, then HE will be seen through me!
If Christ alone is what I hear, then HE will be heard through me!
If Christ alone is what I touch, then HE will be felt through me!
If Christ alone is what I eat and drink, then HE will be tasted through me!
If Christ alone is the Fragrance I wear, then HE will be smelt through me!
If Christ alone is all I know, then HE will be known through me!

If only Christ alone will come and make us One...

If only Christ...

Yes, COME Lord Jesus!

Lynette Woods

Planted in the Soil of God's Love

I've been meditating today on Eph. 3:

17 And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love. 18 And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love really is. 19 May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Somehow, the love of God can never become firmly planted deeply enough in my heart. For a moment, I know that love deeply, and then, a moment later, my inner world seems rocked by insecurity, fear, uncertainty, doubt, confusion, loss of identity.

Not that I walk around fully conscious of this, but I have come to realize that the more I am "checking out," running, driving, staying out of touch with myself, or losing myself in activity or busyness, the more my inner world is filled with grief rather than His love. That's why I'm running. On the other hand, the more my inner world is filled with His love, the less need I have to "lose myself" because the more I am at peace with myself and at peace within myself.

How good His love is. Like a feast for the hungry, like a river for the thirsty. How deeply do I need to be surrounded by and satiated by that love. How much and how regularly do I need to be in that place where I am receiving, soaking, filling up, and drinking in the wine of His Spirit and thus, the flow of His love. Nothing, nothing, nothing touches the inner core of who I am like His touch.

How basic is this? Yet, it's as profound as it gets!

Without Shame

Adam and Eve were "naked and without shame." They were created in God's image and they experienced themselves, each other, and life without shame.

Shame, in my life, distorts and corrupts the reality of who I really am. I am also created in God's image, and I am redeemed by the One who carried my shame... Yet I often carry, deep within me, the inner voices that declare I am inadequate, not good enough, less-than, shame-ful, guilt-ful, or not-as-good-as.

So... I have been thinking about... what is the opposite of shame? If Christ has carried my shame, and if I let him... then what is the opposite of shame that I might be experiencing.

My conclusion is that the opposite of shame is "being delighted in."

This corresponds with Scripture who describes a God who "delights" in me, who "rejoices over me with singing," and who calls me the "City of God's Delight" ("hephzibah", I believe, is the hebrew word).

Being translated from inner shame to an inner confidence that I am delighted in is, I believe, at the core of true conversion. I don't believe we can enter into an encounter with the cross, ask for and receive forgiveness based on the sacrifice of Christ, and ignore that He has carried all of our sin and all of our shame and all of the "old tapes" of who we are... and that He has made us new... new... like unto Him... without shame... delighted in... treasured by Him because we really are treasures!

Intrinsic Value

Being made in the image of God means that I have intrinsic value. I am valuable beyond measure just for who I am. I am inestimably wonderfully fashioned.

This is a difficult reality to internalize although I can look at another person and recognize their intrinsic value. When one of my eighteen-month-old children would sleep peacefully, I could look at him and hold him in the highest regard and value--not for anything that he was doing or would do, but just for who he is. When he would wake up, turn, and smile at me in recognition, I would be completely delighted by this person. A very useless person by our standards of function and purpose. But I was not delighted in his abilities or performance, just in him... who he is.

On the other hand, without a deep sense of intrinsic value in myself, I have developed many false-self ways to try to be or feel valuable-- most of them having to do with performing well or being approved of by others. Finding value in externals rather than from the intrinsic wonder of who I am. Somehow, when it comes to me, I measure my value by accomplishment, status, role, successes, etc.

There is a hole in my heart that says, "I'm nothing in and of myself." This hole has bee carved out by a broken, deceived world and by the enemy's lies. I have bought in and busied myself trying to fill this hole with external "evidence" of my someone-ness.

Yet Scripture declares my intrinsic value in no uncertain terms:

Made in the image of God

Bride of Christ

Treasured

Delighted In

Seated with Christ

Chosen

Loved as the Father loves the Son

Perhaps the greatest declaration of my intrinsic value is found in these words:

But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. Romans 5:8

While we were ignoring and turning our backs on God, He valued and wanted us enough to pay an unimaginable price. Intrinsic value! I actually am that valuable!

That same truth has been emphasized by the Spirit who descended and declared over Jesus: "This is my beloved Son..." The Spirit is still coming and resting on us with the same declaration-- "beloved son, beloved daughter." In this way He is actively pouring the love of God into our hearts in order that we might internalize and experience our intrinsic value.

Who I Am

I want to renew my meditations on "who I am." Not the "who I am" that I am as the result of sin and a broken world. But the "who I am" as created and redeemed to be. This is, in fact, the real "who I am."

The wonder of this is so "out there" that John declared "we can't even imagine what we will be like when Christ returns." He elaborates by saying, "that when he comes we will be like him, for we will see him as he really is."

This is not just a statement of what we will become, it is also a statement of who we are now. Though we are not fully manifested in the wonder of what John describes, it is still our future and therefore says something about our true identity right now, today.

It is phenomenal when one reflects on it. "We will be like him."

In some ways, John is saying that we cannot fully grasp our own true identity... it would stretch our imaginations to the breaking point if we really could get our minds around it.

Because of our broken world and wayward hearts we are so often focused on the sin side of our world and of our selves. We see the failures, feel the shame, know the mistakes we've made, and understand our limitations and all-too-frail humanness. Yet the cross is far more than just, "you're forgiven," it's an invitation to step out of the old life that was created in the image of sin and to step into and embrace the new life that is created in Christ. I am no longer "a sinner saved by grace," but I am a "saint" whose ongoing mistakes are covered by a grace far deeper than I deserve.

In fact, to go back one more step, my identity is not first "a sinner saved by grace," but my initial, foundational identity is found in the amazing words of Genesis, "made in the image of God." Though I was broken by sin, and redeemed by grace, "who I am" begins with these amazing words-- the image of God.

Simply put, this means that I am really somebody... I mean, really, somebody... made with an incredible beauty, glory, wonder, awe, and more. I am actually capable of reflecting, in some magnificent way, the very wonder and transcendent glory of the Creator God. He is able, in a mysterious way, to dwell in my soul, which means that my soul has a capacity unlike any other created thing. I am made for a partnership, friendship, love relationship, unity with Deity. This is unthinkable, really, yet something that I long to more fully understand.

"Who I am" is more than a passing meditation... it is an entry point into a life lived with some of the peace and joy that the Kingdom of God has already invaded our lives with.

Cloud of Unknowing

There is an excellent article and review on the contemplative book, The Cloud of Unknowing, over at the latest Next-Wave issue. Take a look!

http://www.the-next-wave.org/stories/storyReader$294

Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

Good articles over at The Burning Heart on healthy relationships and boundaries. I find that I need this is essential to my healing, growth, and pursuit of God.

Here is an exerpt:

Our greatest need in life is to be connected with God and others in loving relationships. But connection is only one side of the relationship coin of life. The other side of the relationship coin is autonomy. What do we mean when we use the word autonomy? Autonomy is the state or quality of being self-governing. It involves the ability to function independently of others as a separate individual without being co-dependent upon other people. Autonomy has to do with the ability to make independent decisions in life and to set boundaries in your personal relationships.

Sometimes we can become connected to other people in unhealthy or dysfunctional ways (especially in our families of origin). Maybe your father or mother was overbearing in the ways that they related to you. Perhaps they made decisions for you and always told you what to do in your life. As a result, you did not learn how to become an autonomous individual. Instead, you became dependent upon other people’s approval and decision-making abilities.

Dr. John Townsend, Hiding From Love, says that when we are connected to others in unhealthy or co-dependent ways, we end up feeling overwhelmed by the demands of life. We experience problems in keeping up with life and being controlled by the needs of others. We have difficulty filtering out the needs of others from our own needs.

In order to experience autonomy, we need to learn how to set personal boundaries in our relationships. According to Dr. Townsend, boundaries are foundational to a sense of personal identity in life. They identify us for who we really are as persons. They tell us where we begin and end in relationship with other people. This is essential when it comes being able to love other people in healthy and effective ways.

Boundaries become our personal “brands” in life. In the Old West, ranchers always used brands to identify their cattle. If the fences broke down and the cattle intermingled with other cattle, the owners could easily identify their animals by looking at the brands. In the same way, God gives us boundaries or “brands” that can help identify us when we intermingle with other people.

When we have poor boundaries, we will find ourselves taking on other people’s problems and neglecting our own. When we aren’t clear about our own thoughts, feelings, values, motivations, or behavior, we can never be sure that our acts of service for others are being done freely. We end up doing these acts of service out of a sense of obligation, fear, or guilt. Our personal boundaries will help us become more loving people.

Dr. Townsend points out that God Himself operates from a place of balance when it comes to matters of connection and autonomy. God describes Himself in both positive ways (what He is) and negative ways (what He isn’t) in the Bible. He tells us that He is loving, holy, just, and compassionate (to name a few of His character traits). But He also tells us what He is not. He is not a man. He does not take part in evil. He is not a lover of violence. These “not” statements are part of God’s boundaries. They help us trust Him in greater ways because we know where He stands on different issues.

People with healthy boundaries know how to say “yes” to what is good for them and “no” to what is bad for them in their life. They are just as free to say no to some one they love, as they are to say yes to them. This is because love is not possible without personal freedom being part of the mix. A person who ends up saying yes to someone else’s demands because of a fear of hurting that person’s feelings is not operating from a place of love. Saying yes to someone else because of fear is compliance, or people-pleasing, not love.

What are some ways that we can develop boundaries in our personal relationships? Here are some practical steps: (1) Ask God to help you become a truth-teller, (2) Find people who celebrate your autonomy, (3) Practice disagreeing with others when you don’t share their point of view, (4) Take responsibility for your own mistakes, (5) Learn to respect the autonomy of others.

Dr. Townsend says that all of the above steps need to be done in the context of having some supportive relationships with a few key people in your life. If you try to do these things in isolation without any support, you will probably only experience more boundary injuries in your life. Ultimately, you need to find some maturing, caring people who will love your boundaries just as much as they love your connection.

The litmus test for the quality of your relationships is this: Do the people who are closest to you love your “no” as much as they love your “yes”? If those who are closest to you affirm your compliance, but withdraw or throw tantrums or attack when you set limits or have an opinion, then there’s a problem in that relationship. Your “yes” is being loved, but your “no” isn’t. When your “no” isn’t loved, then you aren’t being loved either.