Worn Out & Waiting

I'm worn out, depleted, empty, tired, and run down. It's really not a bad place to be. I used to think it was.

I used to try to always be "on," to keep going, to be tough. Like there is something wrong with me if I don't have what it takes to keep pushing.

But God has given me a gift: I have learned that it's okay to run out of gas... and to say so. I can stop pushing, stop trying to have all the answers, stop trying to be what others want me to be... and just... be.

It used to be kind of scary to do this... but not so much anymore. I realize that God is at work in me in this place of emptiness. He's allowing me to let the air out of my "self," and to come back down to just being... me... ready... for more of Him.

I have found it's okay to let the wind out of my sails and to sit in the doldrums for a little while. Let go of my striving, my doing, my obsessing, and realize that it's really not up to me anyway. And... it always happens... if I will just go with it... and wait for a bit... His wind will begin to blow... A fresh wind, a new wind, a wind that is all Him. I can begin to open my sails up and let Him do it. I can go forward with a little less of me and a little more of Him.

Hmmmm.... sounds good... though I'm not there yet. I'm just letting those sails go down... It's okay to be worn down... take the emotional rest... show up where I need to, carry out my tasks, but don't take it all on... stay low... accept that I'm accepted in this place... accept grace... and wait until His breeze is blowing.

Comments

[Heidi]

beautiful - waiting for his breeze - i really like that!

[jennifer]

IT'S OK TO BE WORN DOWN......ACCEPT THAT I AM ACCEPTED IN THIS PLACE....I HAVE TROUBLE WITH BOTH OF THOSE THINGS. I DO GOOD FOR SO LONG AND THEN I CAVE. DONE. FINISHED. THAT IS HOW I FEEL TODAY. LOW. TIRED. MY PLATE IS FULL AND IT IS ALL JUNK FOOD. NO VEGGIES, JUST CHIPS AND CAKE AND SODA. WHEN I FILL MY BODY WITH "FILLER FOODS" I PHYSICALLY FEEL SICK. WHEN I FILL MY LIFE WITH "FILLER STUFF" ( ALL THE THINGS THAT AREN'T REALLY IMPORTANT ) MY SPIRITUAL BODY FEELS SICK. I THINK I AM SEEING A THEME IN MY "BLOG" ENTRIES. TOO MUCH STUFF AND NOT ENOUGH GOD. I NEED HIM SO AND YET TIME GETS AWAY AND LIFE CONTINUES AS I AM BEING SUCKED DRY FROM THE THINGS OF THIS WORLD. GOD IS MY WATER BOTTLE. THAT THING I CARRY ALL DAY AND WHEN I FEEL PARCHED I STOP AND DRINK. AHHHH, SO REFRESHING. WHY DIDN'T I STOP SOONER? WHY DID I WAIT UNTIL I WAS DEHYDRATED AND PARCHED? OH, BUT HE IS ALWAYS SO FAITHFUL. ALWAYS THERE AND NEVER EVER RUNS DRY. LORD I THANK YOU FOR MY LIFE. I THANK YOU THAT YOU ARE THE GIVER OF LIFE. I THANK YOU THAT YOU KNOW THE PLANS YOU HAVE FOR ME AND IT'S ALL GOOD! THANK YOU THAT YOU ARE MY SHELTER, MY REFUGE. WHEN I AM WORN AND TATTERED, YOU STILL LOVE ME. YOU DON'T STAY MAD AND ME AND PUT CONDITIONS ON YOUR LOVE FOR ME. AND THANK YOU LORD THAT YOU NEVER CHANGE. THE RULES NEVER CHANGE. I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON YOU, EVEN WHEN YOU CAN'T ALWAYS COUNT ON ME.

[john]

This is a tremendously healthy revelation. I lived so many years trying,under my own power, to control, to achieve, to succeed, to accomplish - what? OK I'll say it - I want to be a superstar, to be king of the heap, "A number one" - and the only valid way - was my way. You couldn't help me, it had to be all me, my way. Then no one else could claim even a piece of my prize.
How sick this is. But after crashing and burning about ten years ago, something wonderful happened, something miraculous - I met the true, living God through Jesus Christ and asked the Holy Spirit to live in me and guide me in all things. Now, I see that my natural life rhythms are like a tide that ebbs and flows. I am learning to recognize my limits, learning to set up healthy boundaries. All this and more God is doing in my life as I grow and mature in Him. He is making me more thick-skinned, because I'm overly senisitive. He is showing me how to conseve energy, how not to react, how to be detached from people, places and things - especially unhealthy ones. And I am learning intimacy, love and inner peace - they come as a gift when I truly seek and worship and pray to my Father in heaven. Usually I must come to a stop to really do this, a place where I have realized the futility of this world. Then I get high from the encounter and I'm eventually off and running. I think this is God's way, it is for His purpose and my growth.