It's Monday am and I'm not sleeping... which surely means that my life is not in harmony with God's rhythm or I would be in a place of greater peace. Note my post on Jan. 31 on "rhythm."
I'm thinking about two enemies of rhythm in my life.
The first is the most obvious: getting caught up with doing the things I have to get done. These are all the shoulds, have-tos, responsibilities... some are very important... others I imagine to be just as important... all together they keep me running and doing in perpetual motion long after God has called me to "come away."
But the second enemy... the one that I am thinking about at the moment... is getting caught up with the things I love.
This one is far more deceitful because, after all, what's wrong with getting caught up in what I love. I think over this past weekend... two house church gatherings, a meeting with a friend, a super-bowl mini-party with other great friends... getting a little bit of work done in between... basically doing a bunch of stuff that I really do love doing. Nevertheless, throw it all together along with some of those other "getting caught up with the things I have to get done," and any rhythm of personal retreat/solitude with God is down the tubes. I lose out because I'm no longer enjoying the best of the best (His life in me) even though I've been doing "things I like." Interesting dilemma. Good to think about. No solutions here. Just questions and musings.
This really echos what's been going through my head this weekend. I've been so busy with life that I am only skimming the surface of where I should be with God, where He wants me at. Am going to do some serious evaluation to see what needs cutting back!
Posted by: Michelle | February 02, 2004 at 06:15 AM
ah...this is definately where i am at most of the time lately. two kids in school, sports, building a house an hour away from where i currently reside,not to mention relationships. old and new.church and all the things i would LOVE to be doing. yuk. i say yuk not because these things bore me or that i don't necessarily like them, it just drains me. i feel like i am on a roller coaster ride and no matter how dizzy i get , there is no end in sight. i need to do these things, but i need to make time for me. there is no balance either. when i finally take time for me , i shut everyone and everything else out. i quit. all i know is balance is the key. i can't shirk my responsibilities, i need to have fun, and i need to be there for others. i guess that is why i have a God and He is better at all of that than i am. Today i will let Him be in charge and see how that goes. He has proved so faithful with everything else in my life.
Posted by: jennifer | February 02, 2004 at 01:41 PM
I agree totally - exchanging great for good. It's easier for me to spot glaring sin in my life and deal with it than to identify the "good" things that spin me like a top away from Him. Things that are helpful, ministry minded, positive, and honest, but busy nonetheless.
I think it gives Screwtape great joy to find me toiling at the good, in exchange for breathing, resting, centering, and experiencing the great.
What the sickest, saddest part in all of this is I actually accomplish more when I've taken the time to be still. How soon I forget.
My mind gets clogged with busy thoughts and it's like "rush hour traffic" in my brain and I'm inefficient, easily exasperated and distracted instead of taking time to "be", which allows me clear thinking and measured movements. It's like the difference between working "smart" and working "hard".
Good for great - striving for being - I can accomplish as much, if not more, with the stillness, but I believe the lie, I swallow the bait.
Okay, enough of my mixed metaphors - thanks for helping me 'refocus' the rest of my day!
Be blessed!
Posted by: Heidi | February 02, 2004 at 01:46 PM
I am in a bit of a quandry. Reading these blogs for the past week or so has taken me back to the years I was involved so heavily in churchy things, with all the obligations and expectations. I am reliving the plethora of sermons on obligation, especially those which were seemingly designed to keep me feeling inadequate or unfulfilled because I wasn't "doing" everything I needed to do in order to experience God's presence. (It took a lot of time for me to realize that all I had to do to experience God's presence was just to "be".)
Those were the things that led me away from institutional church, into relational church.
I wonder why we worry so much about where we are in the journey or what we ought to be doing in order for this or that to happen. That seems to me to be more striving and worrying than faith and trust. It seems to be fear based, not love based.
Why do I say fear? Because if "religious" standards are set, we will be afraid we don't meet them. If we have this internal striving to be better and better, believing that somehow we can have any effect upon God's dealings with us by our perfection, then we are setting ourselves up to feel inadequate.
In God's love, there is no fear, no need to strive. There is only rest. Constantly evaluating our inner selves doesn't seem to me to do much to improve our relationship with the Father. He already knows who we are, and he loves us anyway. Why do we need more than that? Why not just accept that love and live as the masterpieces He calls us. We are to live in the Freedom of Christ...not the slavery of fear.
I am rambling and not saying at all what I wanted to say. I have a friend who has influenced me in my freedom in Christ. He speaks very well, and writes even better. I am linking an article below that has been so enlightening to me. Perhaps someone would like to read it here as well.
Not sure I have said what I intended, and I am sure I am closing too early, but I feel that I have said what Father asked me to say, and any more would be "me".
Thanks for listening.
Kris
Sorry, but both of these were so excellent, I wanted to share them.
http://www.lifestream.org/LSBL.Jan01.html
http://www.lifestream.org/LSBL.apr02.html
Posted by: Kris | February 03, 2004 at 05:26 PM
Note of thanks to Kris and encouragement to others-- the articles Kris linked to by Wayne Jacobson (above) are excellent. I guess some of us (only speaking for myself) have a harder time than others crawling out of the fear-cycles and into that abiding place of God's acceptance, love, and rest. I like to be aware and catch myself when I'm in that fear-spin-cycle, not because God loves me less, but because I want to be back where I belong-- resting in His embrace. It's so much better there!
Posted by: roger | February 03, 2004 at 06:02 PM
I guess I was misunderstood - it's the rest of my life that is striving - not for His approval or love - but because the 'rest' of my life isn't 'rest', it's a more harried tempo than I'd like to keep. There is no inference that any of it is in any way "earning" His love.
Fear and worry have nothing to do with it. Just confusion as to why when it's so simple to spend time at rest that I flutter about trying to accomplish "life". Not "striving or trying to be better" for Jesus to love me. Life has obligations and expectations - not my relationship with God.
This used to be a safe place - I would come here to rest - to refocus, to process a few thoughts and leave uplifted, not judged. That takes me back "to the the years I was involved so heavily in churchy things" - made to feel inadequate and as if my inner journey was not valid.
How unfortunate.
Posted by: Heidi | February 05, 2004 at 02:16 PM
thanks for your honesty... well said... hope this does continue to be a safe place!
Posted by: roger | February 05, 2004 at 08:30 PM