Being Who I Am

Sometimes I'm aware that being fully who I am is the most spiritual thing I can be.

But this is only true if I'm aware of that false part of me, that pretend part of me, that not-real-me part of me and moving away from that and toward the truest me.

Sin separates me from my true inner heart and my true inner life. I separate myself from these things as I put on my mask, cover my real feelings with stuff, wear my personnas, and otherwise try to be more or different than I who truly am.

Jesus reconciles me and brings me back into full relationship with Himself; and He also brings me back into full and right relationship with who I truly am: my made-in-the-image-of-Christ self. Me. Just me. Raw me. Wholly me. Alive me. Passionate me. No-pretense me. Full-of-all-kinds-of-feelings me. Simple me. True me.

Does this make any sense? I don't leave myself to become spiritual. I do die to the false parts of myself but this brings me into the freedom to live out of and be my true self. Fully myself.

Brennan Manning says it this way:

"Sanctity lies in discovering my true self, moving toward it, and living out of it... While the impostor draws his identity from past achievements, and the adulation of others, the true self claims its identity in its belovedness. We give glory to God simply by being ourselves."

I get so weary when I try to live out of the "impostor." Even worse than the "imposter" is the "spiritual imposter." How draining and hypocritical. How foolish to think that I have to be more than I am in order to be alive, free, or precious to God. How I need to remind myself that God gave His life so that I would live-- and simply be the true person that He created. It is my truest self that is His beloved, not the other false parts of me that I put on. It is the "real me" being "fully me" that is the object of God's infinite affections. He longs for me as I really and thoroughly am--add nothing.

It is being fully me that He thoroughly delights in! Who I am is thoroughly enough!

Today I want to give glory to God by adding nothing to who I am. I'm such a simple person. A simple desire to be a lover of God and a lover of others. No rank, no status, no position, no role. Just an alive-to-the-world person and, by His grace, an alive-to-God person. I'm nobody, yet I'm magnificent (in His image). I'm nothing, yet I'm the beloved of the Creator. I'm unique, and it's just, simply, plainly, who I am that brings glory to God. Amazing!

(Inner Journey is an interactive daily devotional. Feel free to post comments!)

Comments

[john]

Yes, this makes sense! I know in my heart that God truly wants the best for me and you and all His children, yet I hear so often about all the evil yuck out there and even in our own lives and in the lives of our Christian leaders. So, this is it. God is not trying to fix the world, or us. He is a God of Truth, of Reality, yes and Love. He wants us to "get in touch" with these in our inner being and let them rule. I can not do that! God can,through my willingness, transform me. How much can I be transformed? How far am I willing to obey? Once the yuck is stripped away, and I mean everything that is not true, not real, not loving - there won't be much of "me" left will there? Yes there will. However, it will be godliness. It will be sanctified man, not fleshly. This means I will be ridiculed by the worldly, my "old beer-swillin' swin-o's I grew up with won't quite recognize me, nor will my own family. So this is what I'm going through, what we all go through if we wish to follow Jesus, because that is what He was about - showing us the Way to the Father.

[Steve Bogner]

You know, sometimes there seems to be so much emphasis on doing, instead of being. Doing is a great distraction from being, but ultimately it's a dead-end.

[pamela]

False me, true me - this is my image: within the center core of my being there lives my true self. She has been redeemed by His blood, she is perfect and pristine, she dwells with Him. Surrounding this core is the false self, she makes lots of mistakes and needs forgiveness - this is available and she need not beat herself up each time she fails, but simply to realize that is part of her broken humanity - she learns to enjoy His forgiveness.

[Victoria]

You don't know me, but I stumbled upon your blog while at work today and I'm not quite sure where to start. Last night I was speaking with some friends and we started talking about this very subject. I realized that unless I'm alone with God, I rarely let my true self ever come out. But.. I'm just having trouble accepting this. See I don't like being my true self because she is insecure and doesn't know how to talk to people because she is introverted and shy... But the false self (the Imposter) is someone who is usually the life of the party, always joking around. I would find it incredibly hard to be my true self around others because I know they wouldn't like me (I don't even like that person) and the idea of being rejected scares me... at the same time isn't that dishonoring God for not being who I truely am?
It's funny, because I bought Abba's Child (Brennan Manning's book) a few months ago and tried to read it but ended up not really understanding what it meant... I think I should maybe try to read it again and pray because if this is something that God wants me to work on, then I'm going to need a lot of help. Thanks you so much for listening to me go on and am glad I have other brother and sisters in Christ who are going through the same thing.

[April Ann Cruz]

Well accepting who I am now changed my whole life and I never complained how up there made me

[Teri]

I have concealed deep in my heart resentment, malice, anger and hatred that I hold towards others in my past and then took their sledge hammer and assisted them in carrying their message of abuse within my soul.

I have despised myself based on resentment, anger and un forgiveness towards the abusers, who were but mere victims themselves.
It is due time to despise the shame. Shame says I deserved to be abused, mistreated, neglected and abandoned because I am essentially an unwanted human being that is so flawed at the core that can never be redeemed not even by Christ. So, I have used my position in Christ to use others by demanding that they MUST make up the difference of what has happened to me.

This mentality has caused me also to strive in my life against God and His purposes for me. I have believed that I too MUST pay for what my parents and family has done. I have believed that it is my responsibility to fix all that was broken in my family. What pride I have carried. To think, I essentially am deserving of such abuse and affliction as a child and then demanding myself to correct it as well.

I am before God, His workmanship. Now, I am created in Christ for good works. I cannot do good works by trying to make myself into a delusion that I will never be able to be. Adam and Eve, hiding behind fig leaves. Jesus, cursing the fig tree, because it symbolized the leaders as appearing to have fruit, but not having it. And then in Habakkuk 3 :17 it says,

3:17
Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labour of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls:

3:18
Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation.

Yes it is imperative that I be found hidden in this evil day. God wants me to be protected, but He is saying, "IT is my job to cover you. My reply has been, Why? You didn't do it right the first time as when I was young and you want me to trust my life with You?
Setting my affections on things above, (above my situation, above circumstances, For, He is above all things, There as I am also seated with Him. I am therefore hidden in Christ. This is my position. Seated with Christ. Do I think for a moment that I lf I do not possess redemption through Christ that I would be able to sit there with Him. Redeemed, yes, bought with the price of a life to get my back where I had sold myself into bondage and sin. I allowed the carnal, fleshly part of me determine how to live, move and have my being. Now, I am created in Christ. He has conceived me in His very heart before I was thought of or became a living human being.
Yes, Christ found me seeking my life (a false life, I‘ve been developing a false self to protect all intruders from coming in and seeing the real me. The bottom line, If I seek what His Kingdom stands for first. Giving what I think I need, He will pull through the exact thing that I really do need. So, I have a lot of work to do.
Thanks to each of you for your support. Love, T-
Continuation…10-23-06 This word also spoke to me.

October 13, 2006: Make the right choices to get your heart right before Me, says the Lord. Your desert experience has its roots in rejection, bitterness, and unforgiveness. I tell you truly that you cannot ride out of your desert until you release everyone and everything from the past. This is a time when you can once and for all be done with all injustice and reproach and move ahead in My plans and purposes. You will not regret making choices for freedom -- yours and theirs. Matthew 6:14-15 "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Brennan Manning writes, “The imposter must be called out of hiding, accepted. And embraced.” Whatever is denied cannot be healed.

Hatred of the imposter is actually self-hatred. Contempt for the false self gives vent to hostility, which manifests itself as general irritability…Self-hatred always results in some form of self destructive behavior. (abba's Child, Manning p. 44)

And boy have I been self-destructive in so many ways. Even in my quest to get healthy…Control: I have attempted to control things, places and others for my own benefit, thus to my own demise pushing away what I really need from them.
“Who am I?” Asked Merton, and he responded, “I am one loved by Christ.”(Manning p. 52)
This reality in and of itself, must penetrate my very soul or lest I remain in the constant whirlwind and frenzy of seeking from others the love that can only be fulfilled in Christ.

[carrie ann]

Manning's theology is not biblical on every note. The grace part is fine - yes, we are loved. Absolutely. And accepted in the Beloved. But we're not on a journey to find our true self. The Bible says when we receive Christ, we DIE to self. "for I have been crucified with Christ, yet I no longer live...but Christ lives IN me." Behold, all things are new! So, as far as I'm concerned, there is true self/false self. I simply let Christ live through me - and be who He created me to be as He is continually sanctifying me.