Shame, the Passover, the Cross

I woke up this morning with the awareness of shame... and the awareness that shame has been driving my recent neuroses: drivenness, trying to control what can't be controlled, fear, obssessing over what I would like to fix that I can't fix.

The shame voices compare who I am, in the world, to others: "you're not amounting to anything; you're not important; you don't measure up; you're less-than." These self-judgments come with such an overwhelming sense of self-condemnation/self-hatred that it is, indeed, demonically oppressive.

However, rather than run from this oppression (which always seems to be easiest), I decided to face it, explore it, give it a name, and own it. It's what I am honestly dealing with today... it's what's going on inside of me.

The gift of this approach is that the full-on awareness of self-condemnation and shame took me right to the cross... the place of judgement... the place where I am completely "passed over" when it comes to judgement... by God Himself... because of the wonder of Christ taking it all on Himself at the cross.

The Israelites also had to deal with their shame. They didn't believe they could be set free from slavery. They didn't believe that God really had something more for them. They defined themselves by the self-judgement of "slave." That was their identity.

But the Passover changed all of that. Judgement was passed and the Israelites were passed over. God Himself declared who they were: His chosen ones, His treasured possession, the Ones He would personally die for.

The cross is the complete antidote for shame. It completely obliterates all self-judgement whether human or demonic. It declares that the price has been paid to release me from all types of shame: comparing myself to others; what I should be doing; standards I don't measure up to; people's opinions I don't measure up to; guilt from past failures.

The cross says an emphatic "NO" to each of these forms of self-judgement. The cross says an emphatic "NO" to Satan's attempts to use these self-judgements to destroy me. The cross frees me (at great cost) from every judgement and declares, uncategorically, that I am the wondrous, loved, cared for, sought after child of God. When I see this clearly, I cannot stare at the cross and hang on to any shame. He bore my judgement to free me of it all.

Shame is a gift because it tells me how much I need the cross and points me to it. The cross is a far greater gift which I unwrap and remain wrapped up in until the righteousness of who I really am pervades my whole heart and being.

Anyone know the music that goes with the song: At the Cross of Shame?

Comments

[Aaron]

I was thinking that we have all heard of the "dangers" of puttung God in a box, but as I examine my self I see that maybe there is an equal danger of placing ourselves in a box. A box that has been defined by the world and Satan. We accept this box and it's walls of lies for no other reason than we feel safe inside. What's more incidious is that when the going gets tough we retreat into this box. This box is made up of every fear, hurt, shame, and rejection that we have ever felt. It tells us that we canot function outside of the box. My box says to me " you are foolish for leaving the box", "people will think you are stupid", " If you were strong you would only need the box" and worst of all "this is reality, there is no box". It goes on and on.
I have become so accostomed to this box that I am only just now beginnig to see that there is a better way. I should be looking to God because as Roger said God says to us " you are wondrous". God is the only one I should let define me he's the only one who really knows me.

[jennifer]

OH, THAT DREADED BOX! I TOO HAVE RECENTLY DISCOVERED MYSELF IN A BOX. I THOUGHT I WAS DOING GREAT BECAUSE AT LEAST IT WASN'T GOD I WAS PUTTING IN A BOX. I TOO OFTEN LET THOSE AROUND ME SET STANDARDS OF WHO I AM. I MAY NOT EVEN BE DOING IT ON PURPOSE AT FIRST. I ALSO LET MISTAKES OF THE PAST DEFINE ME. THIS IS WHERE SHAME COMES IN TO PLAY. WHAT GOD SAYS IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THOUGH. HE SAYS I AM FORGIVEN. HE SAYS I AM CHOSEN. HE SAYS I AM HIS BELOVED. THE WORD OF GOD IS SO FREEING. I NEVER HAVE TO BE A SLAVE AGAIN. I AM NEW IN HIM AND HIS MERCIES ARE NEW EVERY DAY! THANK YOU LORD FOR YOUR WORD THAT REMINDS ME OF WHO I AM IN YOU. THAT DEFINATELY IS THE ONLY VOICE I WANT TO LISTEN TO!

[roger]

hmmm... breaking the power of that box that keeps us boxed in (enslaved)... hmmm?

[Joanne]

I read your message about shame and I thought it was beautiful. I won't even join in, commenting on anything, because I don't have words to express myself. In fact, sometimes I don't know what my thoughts are. I'm very frustrated. If you feel shame, I feel inadequate. I know I want to be a strong Christian but my thoughts are jumbled. I wish I could tell you. I've changed medicine because the medicine I had before made me so nervious. Now I'm right in the middle, not knowing what to expect from this new medicine. I don't know, maybe I'm feeling sorry for myself. I don't feel people even understand me. Please pray for me. I hope this letter makes sense to you.

[roger]

thanks for posting... and for honesty... please continue to share.

[Heidi]

Shame - could you hit just a little closer to home? :) What you wrote Roger stirred something deep in me - the picture of the cross keeping that "passover cloud" from destroying me is so beautiful. Thank you.

Aaron - I'm weeping - my box of shame is so real - so very real - thank you for wording it that way - it was so poignant. It helped me realize how very small this box that holds me is, and how sufficating.

Jennifer - I echo your "I thought I was doing great for not having God in a box" - and was as stunned as you were to find that box I took God out of had collapsed on me.

Thank you all for this blog - it's so what I need right now. Safety, understanding and sojourners on my "inner journey" - God bless you!

Joanne - I've been there - you are not alone, and you don't have to "make sense" - let the words sort themselves out - they'll find their way, keep writing. You'll be in my prayers.